Our little girl
So I’m a few minutes away from going to bed and waking up to another first day of school. This is not just any ordinary day for me, though, because my first born, Caitlyn, will be starting kindergarten. Since I teach kindergarten, I won’t be able to show any emotion about her going off to her class for the first time. On my way home from church, my three year old and my husband were both asleep and I just watched Caitlyn in the mirror and floods of memories of her as a baby began flashing through my head. Then I saw her walking into her classroom with her little backpack and seeing her turn around waving goodbye. At that point, I knew that it was time to show the emotion I won’t be able to come tomorrow morning. I silently cried…tears streaming down my face as I watched my little girl grow up before my eyes. She hasn’t walked into that classroom yet, but I knew that I would have to mask it tomorrow for my students coming into my room. She never knew I was crying for her; I didn’t want her to think I was sad. I began connecting it to leaving her with a sitter for the first time. I remember she was a little over 1 year old. I was beginning to take a full load at UNT and I dropped her off and listened to her cry as I walked away. I walked down that sidewalk, which though it wasn’t a long sidewalk, it seemed like a mile. I cried hysterically and called my mom and my then boyfriend, now husband, Jonathan.
When I found out I was pregnant, I thought my world was going to crash around me. I didn’t understand what loving someone before you knew them meant. Then I saw that little face (which was pouting no less) staring at me, and I fell truly in love with her. I was a single mom her first year of life. It was just me and her, so I find this extremely hard. Tomorrow…I have to plaster the smile on my face, feel my heart break, wipe the tears quickly from my face, and head to my class. My little girl is growing up. She is now a kindergartener!
We love you, Caitlyn Bug!!!
